Improve, protect, appreciate, connect

Today is not a good day. I don't need to say why. This is not a political forum, and I firmly believe it should stay that way, but I can see many here are feeling the way I'm feeling right now.

I've been online off and on today, mostly here for the distraction and my other favourite expertly moderated internet community. In among the fallout, I found this treasure of a mantra.

Improve, protect, appreciate, connect.

I've been at home waiting for the plumber today. I was supposed to be planning classes today but I didn't have it in me, so I've been tidying a messy corner that's been bothering me for weeks. I talked to the plumber about what needs to be done around the house and commiserated with my neighbour about the election. I dressed up nicely to go the shops in the rain, and made a point of hitting the small businesses as well as the supermarket chain. I bought aubergine, mozzarella and a nice bottle of wine.

These tiny acts of improvement, protection, appreciation and connection were very comforting. Tonight I will cook parmigiana for Mr Edge and call my family to tell them I love them.

This post is also published in the youlookfab forum. You can read and reply to it in either place. All replies will appear in both places.


  • RobinF replied 5 years ago

    Good for you. Yes, life will go on and it sounds like a good plan to deal with it.

  • Aziraphale replied 5 years ago

    Approprio, what a lovely, positive post on a sad day. I applaud you. I hope you enjoy your nice wine and dinner tonight. :-)

  • Diana replied 5 years ago

    I love this sentiment, Liz.  Thank you.

    It's definitely comforting to engage in acts of improvement and beautification.  Right now I need to feel like I can control something and make the world just a little bit better or at least more beautiful. 

  • bonnie replied 5 years ago

    A good mantra for today and the next four years!

  • SW Ann replied 5 years ago

    ....not all of us are so sad...

  • Mochi replied 5 years ago

    Well, many of us here are. Our feelings are valid. Thanks, approprio. These may be helpful coping skills in a very difficult time. 

  • SW Ann replied 5 years ago

    Of course your feelings are valid.  Just offering up the idea that we are not a collective of thought. Believe me I know what you are feeling.....I've been disappointed over things not going the way I wanted many times.  Please accept my condolences.  I do agree on the mantra--improve, protect, appreciate, connect.....

  • Sal replied 5 years ago

    I sent my sons to a local multicultural primary school, where they were in the minority, despite many of my neighbours choosing to avoid the school and send their children to more distant or private schools.  The school has an ethos of Standing Tall, Reaching High - working together, respecting each other, learning and progressing together, values I hold dear.  From this I thought our world was becoming a more closely bound together place...I am not so sure after the events of this year.

    Small actions, kindness, inclusivity, acceptance - these can all make a huge difference.  Understanding and accepting why someone voted differently to you, treating people with respect, getting to know your neighbours of a different race, paying your staff a decent wage on a fair contract...

    I too can be better.  I have just signed up for a Community Bake Off to provide cookies/baking for struggling families. A very small gesture but I hope the start.

  • Style Fan replied 5 years ago

    Thank you.

  • rachylou replied 5 years ago

    I'm actually not sad. Scared, yes, but not sad. Because for one thing, we can stop pretending. It's all or nothing now. No skirking. And no risk, no reward. Also, I'm glad my mum bought a 50 gal rain barrel and hard hats for us.

    ...By the way, I can hear chanting and screaming and beeping in the streets. It's rather amazing. A Twitter moment. Twitter is totally just good as as voting. Haha! Go Zombie Apocalypse!

    That is, some things are good for a laugh. Sometimes it's all so bad, you just have to laugh. Truth is funny. My friend the bankruptcy lawyer/stand up comic says it's so. He's right.

  • rachylou replied 5 years ago

    Does anybody remember the movie with the three sisters whose dad or something dies? And they're trying so hard to be sad and mournful - and then can't stop laughing?

  • texstyle replied 5 years ago

    Every four years it seems about half of the population is disappointed in the election outcome. I've learned through my lifetime that life goes on rather or not the outcome is the one I favored.  I have friends with a wide range of political and religious beliefs and I do my best to treat them with respect and consideration. Personally, I don't think it is a great idea to spend too much time voicing our positions here on YLF as it could be damaging.

  • rachylou replied 5 years ago

    And now sirens.

    I support the idea of not voicing our positions here, Tex. Especially 'cuz I'd get roasted for my unholy righteousness ... ahem. Lol (yes, that's funny because it's true ;) ).

  • Xtabay replied 5 years ago

    Not sure what you mean by "damaging," texstyle.  But we are grieving, and grief needs to be expressed.  It's a sad day for sure.

  • texstyle replied 5 years ago

    If you make people feel like outsiders they may choose to move on, which is not good for YLF participation as a whole.

  • approprio replied 5 years ago

    Tex, I agree. I don't particularly want to talk about the result either, for the same reason as rachylou. I'm just here to share a mantra that helped me get through the day.

    You may not agree with us, but please be respectful.

  • Xtabay replied 5 years ago

    Excuse me, isn't this the off-topic forum? 

  • catgirl replied 5 years ago

    I'll see you all in a while. 

    My cousin (a 28 year old female lawyer) was verbally assaulted this morning in Boston.  Regardless of how you voted, this is unacceptable behavior in the USA. 

    Take care, all.

  • Janet replied 5 years ago

    I'm scared and I'm sad, and I don't want anyone telling me how to feel. I've read way too many "get over it, we felt this way the last 8 years" things today.

    ETA: Approprio, I love your mantra. I need to make note of it!

    I am proud of my vote and don't mind talking about it or even debating politics, but he dismissive, gloating or belittling remarks I've seen today (not here on YLF thankfully) are dismaying.

    It's going to be a long emotional slog uphill for me. If you're happy, well, good for you. I hope your guy proves me wrong, but I've got a bad feeling about what this means for the country and maybe even the world.

  • Janet replied 5 years ago

    Una, I'm sorry. It's going on in lots of places. Whatever good might be done by he-who-will-go-unnamed, he has a lot to answer for, for riling up these kinds of sentiments in his supporters.

  • Kate replied 5 years ago

    I love that mantra, Approprio; thank you for sharing it on this sad day. 

  • Barbara Diane replied 5 years ago

    Una, so sorry to hear that that happened to your cousin. That is so scary.

    My adopted from Guatemala 14 year old nephew has already been picked out from his group of white friends at the mall to be questioned and have his backpack searched. I am afraid it will get worse. I really hope I am wrong. I hear bullying is up at schools.

    Both of my sons were sent home from work early today due to scheduled protests. The concern is for the violence that can accompany them.

    I am grateful I live in a place where power transfers peacefully, and where after elections the stated goal is to pull together.

    And I like the idea of concentrating on how we can help others. I wrote that exact message to a friend earlier. And she has been reading up on gratitude to rebalance herself.

    Tex, I know that not everyone feels the way I do. I was invited to a praying for our country/heal the wounds of division/etc. interfaith gathering. I haven't decided whether to go or not. One thought I keep having is that even if this has those intentions, would it be being held if the election had gone the other way?

  • MaryA replied 5 years ago

    Thank you for this mantra Approprio. It gives me hope.

  • shevia replied 5 years ago

    Thank you Liz for this. I feel like a have been thrown into a pit over and over this week. I think by focusing on our own communities we will find strength. Including this one.

  • Marley replied 5 years ago

    Thank you for sharing approprio.  I am in the numb stage I guess.  Still pinching myself, hoping that I'll wake up and find that it was just a horrible nightmare.

  • replied 5 years ago

    Thank you for writing this.  As my mood lifts, I will return to re-read your words of wisdom and strive to implement them.

  • RobinF replied 5 years ago

    I'm with you Janet, I'm not ashamed of who I voted for and welcome a good discussion.

    Most of my friends feel the opposite of the way that I do but I still value their friendship even if we disagree (although most of the time we just don't discuss it!).

    But some of the hypocrisy I have heard and seen since the election is difficult to accept.

    I am proud however, of how my president and my candidate are publicly handling this. It must be very difficult but they are showing grace and dignity.

    So sorry Una about your cousin. I think we can all agree that this is never acceptable behavior and has to be stopped.

  • Angie replied 5 years ago

    Thanks, Liz. It's a good matra - and I'm sure it has soothed us in ways we are unable to convey at the moment.  

    I am extremely sad about what happened in the US recently. My way of coping with this is to stay glued to MNSBC. The more I know - the more I'm able to process my feelings, understand, and therefore feel a sense of control. And once I am in control, I can get on with it. 

  • gardenchick replied 5 years ago

    Thank you for this. Many of us are feeling grief in the San Francisco Bay Area. This thread is the only part of the site that is speaking to me today. Just trying to process...

  • Suz replied 5 years ago

    Liz, thank you so much for this. My heart aches and this is a path to healing. 

  • Xtabay replied 5 years ago

    I'm sorry I didn't thank you earlier for your lovely mantra, approprio.  I wasn't thinking clearly due to a brain fogged with emotions of all sorts.  Thank you for the healing words, which are so needed right now.

  • RoseandJoan replied 5 years ago

    Liz thank you, I know you will be aching from Brexit and wished to share your soothing words of wisdom.

    Personally I'm tired of the anger and hatred. The anger of the marginalised voters, the anger of the political elite, the anger of the shell shocked liberals. I'm longing for love, compassion and tolerance and thankfully there is still much to be found. I'm keeping my fingers crossed our children can create a better world xo

  • approprio replied 5 years ago

    Jules, I hear you. There's too much anger and hate. I've been talking elsewhere about my angry shirt, but today it feels like a hollow gesture. When I think of it, I'm not particularly angry. Just sad.

    This is not about party politics anymore, so no reason to play the blame game. In my corner of the internet there's plenty of bigoted, misogynist sentiment coming from the Left and some very brave people in the GOP working tirelessly to make this horror go away. I hope they succeed, but I'm not particularly optimistic.

    Now is not the time to get angry, now is the time to get organised. We need empathy and cooperation. It's the only thing that will save the planet.

  • Laurinda replied 5 years ago

    I am heartbroken by the threats to my family, friends, and neighbors.
    I posted this pledge on another social site, and have already heard that it helped someone. Hugs to all of us!
    (sorry I don't know the source).

  • Summer replied 5 years ago

    That's an excellent mantra.  It's the little acts of kindness, the everyday routines, and connection with others that help to keep us sane in an increasingly topsy-turvy world.
    I'm not American, and neither do I live in the US, but I empathise with all  who are feeling sad, shocked and worried at this time.
    Good wishes to all.

  • rachylou replied 5 years ago

    Laurinda - that's exactly what everyone should pledge. Brass tacks. Take care of your fellow human being; their lives are precious no matter what.

  • bonnie replied 5 years ago

    Laurinda and others who may be interested: I found the site by googling the first line, "If you wear a hajab, I'll sit with you on the train" and have already posted it on my FB page. Thank you, Laurinda for sharing this.

  • Ledonna N. replied 5 years ago

    Laurinda that was so beautiful.

    I choose also to not watch the news and to focus on my everyday task.

    It is a respite from all the noise.

    I had to cut off my beloved NPR because it was to much politics

  • bj1111 replied 5 years ago is part of the safety pin movement.

  • Isabel replied 5 years ago

    I agree with those who say this is not about politics. This is not a difference in policy. This is the difference between hate mongering and human decency.  

    The person who was elected did so by shredding human decency and morality to bits. There is nothing to be proud of in the flaming of fear and hate, IMO.

  • Echo replied 5 years ago

    Isabel, I could not have said it better. I am grieving my country right now.

  • Joy replied 5 years ago

    My job this last week has been to try to protect minority children (8-10 years) from the kids who feel empowered by hate and want to threaten them by telling them that Trump is going to expel their loved ones from the country. Don't forget the children. They are sad and fearful.

  • Isabel replied 5 years ago

    Joy. The children are at the forefront of my thought. And it is the children that have are lighting a fire under me to act. Tell your children they are loved and that grown ups are going to work their butts off for them.

  • Sal replied 5 years ago

    Here is a NZ cartoonist impression of the past week - remembering we have just had a major earthquake here (not where I live).

    I do not know Toby, the cartoonist, but I know his Mother in law and am friends with one of his friends.  That's how we roll in NZ!!

    I love his perspective on the week.

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