Simon made a fortune promoting illegal raves in the 1990’s and used the proceeds to buy an organic dairy farm in Herefordshire from which he produces a range of dependable but entirely forgettable vegetarian cheeses. He has given up cocaine after an extended spell in the Priory but still enjoys his weed, which he scores from the Gangsta Librarians, a mobile book repository/craft brewery/dubstep sound system, a member of whom is dating his teenage niece. Twice a month he takes his 1992 Saab 900 Turbo to Bristol where he drives slowly around Montpellier, leering at schoolgirls and enjoying random Grindr hookups. Later he hangs out with Banksy and Daddy G from Massive Attack, who secretly despise him for being a hippie.
I don’t think the belt is working. Simon would wear it because he’s clueless. But not me. I know better.